Lord Sugartits is back. On 21st March, The Apprentice is hitting our television screens once again. If you share the same sentiment as my Dad and think this entire show is just a clever way for good old trusty Alan to raise his profile and make more money...you would be right.
Despite this, I for one have been a fan of it since the very beginning, when the applicants all actually wanted to work for Sir Alan and had a genuine passion for business. Remember the original apprentice winner, Tim? The nice guy who smashed all the really intense questioning and scrutiny in the final interviews and beat that horrendously annoying Saira? (She went on to present a kids' programme called 'The Boss' which was shit and not helped by the fact she was a terrible Kids TV personality.) He was the first and last winner I thought was deserving of the job. From then on, each series had your token wanker, tough-childhood-self-made success, public school boy, wannabe television personality and then the arrogant, delusional one. (Step forward Stuart Baggs - The Brand. 'I'm not a one trick pony, I'm not a ten trick pony, I've got a WHOLE FIELD OF PONIES.' Idiot.)
Throughout the years, there's been many candidates of note, like Katie Hopkins, the boardroom bitch of the third series, most notably remembered for her eclipse-inducing nose, who then went on to star in a scandalous spread in the tabloids after being photographed having sex in a country field. Sounds like the perfect candidate for sweet Sugar's company.
And before that, there was my personal favourite, Ruth Badger, or 'The Badger' to her fans. An excellent saleswoman who held her own in the boardroom, she was beaten by the good old 'I've had a shit life and look where I am now' routine from Michelle Dewberry (who, subsequently, left her job at Amstrad after only a few months.. Poor choice there Alan).
But the best bit about the Apprentice nowadays is not the brutal actions of those in a high-stress and highly-critical environment, but the half hour show on BBC2, hosted now by the amazing Dara O'Briain, which tears apart these egotistical assholes in front of a studio audience and a panel of 'experts'. Incredible. There's nothing like a bit of poetic justice. Now, not only is their cruel and cringe-worthy behaviour inflicted on the viewing public, but it is forced upon the perpetrator, who then is put in the awkward position of justifying why you 'never say never in the biscuit world'... Now that takes the... ahem, moving on.
Next Wednesday is the night where it starts all over again. I cannot bloody wait.
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